Tuesday, April 17, 2007

meet the quiz team

Keen Assistant Blog readers (you never know) and real-life chums will know by now that the epicentre, the very fulcrum of my week is the George Quiz on Sunday nights at, er, The George in Brighton's North Lanes, and Brighton's best pub quiz has been spiced up recently not just by a boost in attendance and an improved speaker system but by the introduction of the 'Champions of Champions League', whereby Mike exceeds his brief of counting up each week's scores and actually plots the various teams' progress over ten weeks. Although our team name tends to vary from week to week, our one constant is that we are expertly marshalled by the redoubtable Captain Natalia, so it's that name which, two weeks in, currently tops the Champions League:

Captain Natalia - 9 points
The Disappointing Sausage Roll Team - 4 points
Arse Pizza - 6 points
The Diggers On Tour - 5 points
The League Against Alternative Medicine - 2 points
The DIY Ramblers - 2 points
Alan's Love Asylum - 1 point
It's My Birthday, And I'll Quiz If I Want To... - 1 point

Given that, for so long as we're in the top three (if we go lower I might get grumpy and stop mentioning it), I'm likely to bang on about this repeatedly, I thought a quick introduction to the team - and their specialist subjects - might be in order.

Captain Natalia, 'The Guv'nor'.
The beating heart of the team, Natalia is our undisputed leader and rules over proceedings with an iron fist. If Natalia was deposed as leader, we would probably turn on each other, resorting to cannibalism.
Specialist subject: words of Spanish origin.

Andrew, 'The Politician'.
A man with a fact always at his fingertips and a mean cartoonist to boot (usually on other teams' papers), Andrew combines the guile of a Tony Blair with the underhand cunning of a Richard Nixon. Andrew is the Machiavellian genius behind our winning streak.
Specialist subject: Politics, maths and history. Just don't ask him to play darts.

Daniel C, 'The Flagmaster'.
Legendary in Brighton's Seven Dials area for his concentration and mental alertness, the Flagmaster is the peerless master of maps, the prince of peninsulas, and the recogniser of rivers. If it's in Africa, he can tell you the co-ordinates.
Specialist subject: All matters geographical.

Jonathan, 'Brains'.
So called because, er, that's the kind of derogatory name that all slightly self-important, show-offy smart-alec kids are given at school, 'Brains' is the jack of all trades and master of none, scattering overheard answers and wild guesses to the wind in the hope that one will stick, and doing his bit for the team by sucking up to Mike and talking about Dinosaur Jr while trying to look at the answers sheet.
Specialist subject: US indie rock from 1989-1992, stuff that was in The Guardian.

Victoria, 'The Scribbler'.
A devil with a pencil and notably intelligent, The Scribbler is not just an all-rounder but also the literary critic of the team, puncturing Mike's poorly phrased questions with a keen eye and lashings of poststructuralism. Always to be found with her head in a book, the Scribbler is 'write' about everything! Geddit?
Specialist subject: Literature, news and music intros.

Morgan, 'The Coder', AKA 'The Windsurfer'
Combining a brilliance with binary code with his athletic prowess, Morgan is a master of films and computer games, frequently saving our sorry asses in a movie round which, frankly, we invariably bomb without him.
Specialist subject: Outdoor sports.

Anne-Sophie, 'The Artist'.
The Artist has loftier concerns than mere quizzing, and, keen to apply her creative powers and obsession with animals, mostly just waits for the quiz to finish so that she can start handing round paper and pens so that we can play drawing games.
Specialist subject: Alsacian beer.

Chequers, 'Safe Hands'.
When all around start losing their heads, shouting nonsense and dribbling after too many beers, Safe Hands is the man to hold things together, staying focused and calmly sticking to the matter at hand. It's only his inquisitive mind that stops the team collapsing into chaos in round four.
Specialist subject: Film.

Dr. Dustin, 'The Professor'
Casting a professorial eye over the proceedings, the good Dr brings a philosophical eye to the quiz and a profound understanding of US geography and culture. More importantly, his presence gives Mike a chance to make some jokes about Americans.
Specialist subject: The beers of California.

Andy, 'The Channel Islander'
The Channel Islander's peculiar geographical origins give him a unique perspective on all things quiz - he is able to look on with a European's cool-headed detachment, and yet he is able to drink as fast and shout as loudly as any Brit.
Specialist subject: Rock.

Sam, 'Flash Gordon'
A priceless addition to the team, Sam is a font of knowledge on the subject of science and pseudo-science, dispensing secularist non-sequiturs and swatting away muddy thinking with enlightenment élan. He also knocks over pints a lot.
Specialist subject: Richard Dawkins, Walkers crisps.

Ant, 'The Kid'
New on the scene but slotting into the formation with consummate ease, the Kid is the enigma of the team - hard to predict, armed with knowledge beyond his years but easing his way smoothly into the swing of things. Big things are expected of this mid-season transfer.
Specialist subject: Too mysterious to have a specialist subject yet.

Think you'll agree we can't fail to win the league in the long run.

The Scribbler collecting this week's prize.


Ali P said...

Excellent work shippers, this post had me chuckling into my afternoon cuppa, feeling all nostalgic about the earlier days of the pub quiz when we were called, worryingly, 'Childrens Area'. Ant is, as you say, VERY mysterious. He has a habit of spontaneous combustion I think. Poof....and he's gone. Cornsy's description particularly tickled me, but you left out, 'all things indigenous'

jonathan said...

Ha ha, yeah, I did leave that out, damn. I used to like the name 'Children's Area', but there was always nervous laughter from elsewhere in the pub when Mike read our name out.

I think you need to do at least one more quiz before you abandon us for London. Although I don't know how Ant will feel about having you on the team, considering you just called him a 'poof'...

Ali P said...

I remember when there was a quiz all about sex and sex scenes in films and general filth and I nailed it...apart from that I was rubbish. Dan will agree. I meant a 'puff' of smoke, not a poof, although of course I don't ACTUALLY know for sure either way. Right back to looking at men's willies for a living, hurrah!

jonathan said...

I remember that quiz and I remember being very shocked indeed! It was filth! I still haven't entirely recovered.

Ali P said...

I think Sam also excelled himself on that particular evening! Flash...ah aaaaaaaaaaa. Saviour of the universe x

Bloggers4Labour said...

I don't know about politics, I'd have put all sports other than (association) football into the specialist subject category. Anything but music...

Dave said...

What??!? you bastards!!- I feel left out- Right, I'm back on the team- see you on Sunday- AND you'd better write a special profile for me too, Swine!!

jonathan said...

Turn up on Sunday and you can have a post-long profile all to yourself, mate!

Anonymous said...

don't be silly, he does his hair on a sunday evening.

jonathan said...

So he does. All the way through to Monday morning.

Nat XXX said...

I can't believe you put Dustbin in my team!

I am moving sides and joning arse pizza!

Dustbin out, bring Dave in.

Anonymous said...

We like the look of the scribbler!

Anonymous said...

oh my god, vic has an anonymous blogcommentingperve. brilliant

jonathan said...