several hundred gallons of tea

Andrew has had his poems online for a year or two, and we've always been able to spy them floating around on bits of paper when we've gone round his place, but until now he's not really publicised them, although he did publish a few on his blog when it first got started. Well, he's finally decided to mention them, which is a very good idea considering they've had people in stitches whenever they've stumbled across them, although the odd look of bafflement and near-horror indicates that they remain a selected taste, like olives or Dave Gedge's voice. Nevertheless, I'm a big fan, and am reproducing a few in case it inspires you to go and search through his poem database for some more.

Daffy, scatter-brained, pinko actress, Diane Keaton,
Whilst in England, precipitated a strike meeting
At her studio flat on Chillingham Road in the Newcastle suburb of Heaton
As plumbers refused to tackle the decrepit 19th Century central heating!

With thousands of screaming girls following him wherever he goes
Young Prince William housed a terrible secret which only he knows
But he confronted his parents the other day:
Mother, Father, I now realise that I am a semi-literate, inbred, parasitical, toffee-nosed little shit.

After watching "The Sound of Music"
Lucy bought a Nun's uniform and was determined to use it.
She re-interpreted the classic film
Guiding some Southwark children over Telegraph Hill to the safety of Lewisham.

After his humiliating Wimbledon defeat, Henman
Was told by his father, "You are not my son."
He now sleeps in a sack underneath a bridge
Living on scraps stolen from Sue Barker's fridge

Prince William is now so popular with elderly women
That several Shropshire pensioners conspired to grab him.
He was imprisoned by them in a padded study
And, when Police eventually found his corpse, several hundred gallons of tea had to be pumped from his body.

Read more of his poems here. And, while you're at it, there's a couple of new Bedsit Bomber songs up now too.