braying noises like a donkey

No-one ever let them tell you it's fun being a Christian...

Childless couple told to try sex

A German couple who went to a fertility clinic after eight years of marriage have found out why they are still childless - they weren't having sex.

The University Clinic of Lubek said they had never heard of a case like it after examining the couple who went to see them last month for fertility tests. Doctors subjected them to a series of examinations and found they were both apparently fertile, and should have had no trouble conceiving.

A clinic spokesman said: "When we asked them how often they had had sex, they looked blank, and said: "What do you mean?".

"We are not talking retarded people here, but a couple who were brought up in a religious environment who were simply unaware, after eight years of marriage, of the physical requirements necessary to procreate."

Meanwhile, according to the Times (who I won't link to as you can only read their articles for seven days before you have to register)...

The world's first cyber pulpit has been shut down after a large number of online worshippers logged in as Satan and shouted expletives. The internet Church of Fools, opened last week at churchoffools.com, is sponsored by the Methodist Church, which takes a strong line against profanity. It allowed online visitors to kneel to pray, cross themselves and perform an arm-raising "hallelujah!".

Church wardens are on duty with "smite buttons" to consign blasphemers to virtual hell. But some of the worst offenders are from the US and Australia and visit in the middle of the night, when the wardens are asleep. Hackers have broken in disguised as wardens, sworn at the congregation or greeted newcomers by saying "Satan loves you".

The organisers have now closed the pulpit and apse to visitors. They have also removed the "shout" button so that worshippers can whisper to those closest to them without the whole church hearing. The number of wardens is also to be increased.

Virtual parishioners reacted defiantly. One message on the site's internet chat room yesterday said: "It's just a load of sad individuals playing 'wind up the Christians'."

Since it was announced at the Christian Resources Exhibition last week, the site has attracted 20,000 visits a day. Stephen Goddard, a spokesman for the cyber chapel, said: "We obviously use the ‘smite’ button where we can. But we have very few resources to police it 24 hours a day."

He drew an analogy with John Wesley, the 18th-century founder of Methodism: "When Wesley went out in the early days, people swore at him, made braying noises like a donkey and spat on him. At least we know we are not preaching to the converted."

And finally, spotted this link on Mark K-Punk's blog - CS Lewis: The Devil's Finest Tool. Brilliant. My favourite bit is "The Chronicles of Narnia are one of the most powerful tools of Satan that Lewis ever produced. Worst of all, these books are geared toward children. Please go to the next page to read about this indoctrinating tool of witchcraft"...

Don't.

Go here, instead. I worked with Tim on the Grove Dictionary of Music and Musicians a few years back, and just found his blog - The Rambler. It's really excellent.