Wednesday, June 10, 2009

the real nick griffin

There are lots of 'fake' twitter accounts on the internet, and most are either deliberately misleading or blunt, unfunny attempts at satire. Since it was created a couple of days ago, however, the @realnickgriffin account has been consistently hilarious. No idea who's behind it, but the tweets are much more than isolated gags - instead the timeline of posts works as a kind of absurd, hilarious soap opera, purporting to present the BNP leader's fatuous racism and daily trials at the hands of the PC liberal media and the European Parliament which he is now compelled to attend. It is there that he is forced to interact with the Parliament's other resident thug, Jean Marie Le Pen.

The gags are often crass and a bit childish - but it works, and has a tremendous amount of fun with the idiotic figure that is the BNP leader. Incidentally, there are a host of anti-BNP tags being used regularly on twitter, but my favourite so far is the tag people tend to use when talking of Griffin: #fathitler.

Anyway - here's a selection of the @realnickgriffin tweets posted so far.

arrived in Brussels. guess what? it's only full of bloody foreigners. i can see i'll have a right job on.

moved into my new office. guess which way it faces? east! that's right. someone thinks this is funny, no doubt

that idiot Le Pen left a whoopie cushion on my office chair. there was a note: "I'm sure you'll find Europe's a GAS! haha" - cretin

awful biscuits here at the Euro Parliament, too. not a custard cream in sight: just sneering, cosmopolitan macaroons

SO bored in my first day of the new job. sat at my desk drawing the golliwogs back onto jars of (politically correct) jam.

policy ideas: a golliwog for every child. dynamite the Channel Tunnel. some sort of phrenology initiative. more coastguards.

stupid European vending machines. tried to ram in my BRITISH pound coin anyway. hurt hand. lost coin. no Twix. fuck Europe.

off to hit up that sniveling little bollock Le Pen for some lunch money.

snuck into Le Pen's office and wiped my glans around the rim of all his cups. haha!

just had a pathetic, tearful phonecall from J M Le Pen, saying he wants to "mend bridges". suppose i'd better go and see what he wants.

someone snitched to Le Pen about the cups! the "meeting" was a trap. i was held down by his advisors and forcibly teabagged by JMLP himself.

furious. i will REPATRIATE the fucking french and anyone who talks french or likes french fucking food.

i can't wait for my tea. i'm having an Indian. just kidding! i'm having a Chinese. just kidding! i'm having moussaka. just kidding!

i'm having sausages

reading Brick Lane. kidding! reading The Buddha Of Suburbia. kidding! reading The Kite Runner. kidding!

reading nothing

all those astronauts up there, different races, all rubbing up against each other in a solar powered tin can. it makes me sick to my stomach

still not happy about my new easterly-facing office. perhaps a nice rug would jolly it up a bit.

sending my secretary out to shop for a rug

bloody hell. sent my secretary out to buy a rug for the office, she came back with THIS. it will have to do.

and now in my fury i've dropped a contact lens. i'll just kneel down to pick it up....

Le Pen walked in while i was on all fours searching for the contact lens i dropped on that gaudily-patterned mat in my east-facing office.

obviously now Le Pen is laughing his head off telling all the other fringe MEPs that i've "gone Cat Stevens". fuck fuck fuck. i hate him.
Here's the link to the twitter feed. Genius. It's like a racist Adrian Mole.


Jo G said...

thank you. a) I needed a colossal laugh b) I now see the point of twitter - if it can deliver social awareness and satire in regular packages. any thoughts on who the author is?

Jonathan said...

No, no idea - judging by the amount of people who have landed on my blog from typing 'who is @realnickgriffin?', lots of people want to know the answer. Including a lot of BNP types, too, whose comments I have enjoyed rejecting, threats of physical harm included. Larks!

Anonymous said...

awesome - glad you liked it. didn't you used to write some kind of hilarious fake diary thing? something involving a radio controlled helicopter and a guy called Tim / Tom? (sorry if this isn't you).

sorry you're getting threats. i've only had one so far (i think, i haven't checked recently) and it was an ineffectual comedy classic.

Jonathan said...

I think I have a regular BNP reader, perhaps from Brighton, who likes to send unpleasant, incoherent messages through via my comments function. I like to think it frustrates him that I never publish them. Now of course by mentioning him I am indulging his attention-seeking, so perhaps I should stop.

The helicopter diary was, alas, not me - but I did consider taking the credit.

Ben said...

This is indeed great - nicking the link for Silent Words, cheers!

MattyAtty said...

It's smug bien pensants like you ridiculing the man who ensure the disaffected working class continue to disengage from the mainstream. While you contemplate your navels over an extended game of lefty soggy biscuit, the traditional parties of government in the UK will remain absent from the very policy areas that have allowed him to achieve prominence.

Oh and if you want to mention a real thug in the European Parliament how about Daniel Cohn-Bendit, the sociopathic 1968 barricade jockey who insulted the Czech president on all our behalfs last year?

Anonymous said...

i call bullshit on that matty. if someone votes BNP they're either fucking thick, an actual racist, or more likely both. no exceptions and i couldn't give a bean if people like that feel disaffected or not. boo fucking hoo. fuck off.

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